To be Grateful
I recently met a young Japanese woman who lost her job and she had to leave New York. She told me she decided to move to Los Angeles, but was feeling a little sad to part with the city that she really loved, having lived in New York for seven years.
She told me of her misfortune that it was not her fault but the company she was working for suddenly decided to pack up and go back to Japan. I did sympathize with her but I told her she shouldn’t be lamenting over her misfortune as that will not do her any good. Perhaps it was a cruel thing to say but I said accept the situation with gratitude.
To be grateful and say thank you no matter what kind of a situation you are in is a philosophy which I came across quite recently. I myself did not take all my misfortunes with gratitude. Instead I had a tendency to blame it on other people or had so much regret that it took me a while to get over it. This belief of taking it with gratitude which I encountered did not seem to be a philosophy which stemmed out of a particular religion.
However, I discovered in Zen Buddism there is a similar way of thinking. By chance I had opportunity of talking to a Zen priest in Kyoto last summer. He explained to me what kind of ordeal men have to go through to become a qualified monk. Yes, I have seen young men dressed in rugged costumes begging in front of people’s doors. Japanese people know that this is a part of religious austerities they had to go though for certain number of days. However, some foreigners think they are beggars. Although they would have to live on people’s mercy, they don’t just beg for food or money in order for them to live. It is to learn to be grateful for what ever they are given or perhaps not given.
They could also be treated in a malicious way as to have a bucket of water spilled over them by discontented hosts. However even when one has had water spilled over oneself, one has to show gratitude to the person who has done the deed. Why? Because in Zen Buddism no matter what kind of experience, good or bad one has to say “thank you” for being given that particular experience as it was probably an experience you needed.
I must say this was not easy for me to chew but then I thought I had nothing to lose by saying thank you instead of getting angry. Blaming your misfortune on other people or lamenting over it does not change the situation. Besides it makes you and other people feel so much better if you accept things with gratitude.
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- Jul 24, 2008 / 6:58 pm
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Interesting post, Sachiko-san! The message of contentment with one’s current fate and possessions has been an ancient Hindu message as well, most recently made popular in India by Gandhi in the early part of the last century. Buddhism started as an offshoot of Hinduism so it carries some of the nicer things over.
I am not entirely familiar with Zen Buddhism (now there are so many flavors, from Tibetan Buddhism to whatnot) but it is a sane message to find contentment in our predicaments.
That said, I wonder if the message really helps your Japanese friend?
Perhaps it may help her cope with — or emotionally accept — the new changes in her life, but I have found that for me acceptance of the reality is not always enough. I am neither content nor forgiving of adverse circumstances for myself; I need to do my bit to proactively change them. As such, speaking strictly for myself, a very Zen kind of perspective makes me very lazy!
(Smiles)
Yes, I myself thought perhaps the advice I gave her wasn’t much of a help. However, after living all these years and gone through many unpleasant experiences like most of us do in life, I have decided to accept all the experiences I go through with a gratitude.
So this young lady lost her job but the company paid her couple of weeks of her salary so she could manage till she found a new job. However, she was not successful in finding another job in NY and decided to move to Los Angels where she thought she would have a better chance. She told me she will stay with her old American boyfriend’s apartment for the time being. Apparently she was once engaged to this boy friend and who knows that they might decided to be together again. If that happens then losing her job in New York and leaving New York was in a way blessing to her.
Any way this part of two of them getting together again is a story I made up and I don’t know what the outcome will be. However, it would be interesting to find out how her life evolves. I don’t think things happen by chance but it has been my strong belief that there is a meaning in all the experiences we go through in life. As long as we live we keep on having new experiences and we learn from them each time especially when we over come bad experiences or fail in something.
When things don’t go the way you want them to and the result was not what you expected or wanted I used to accepted them in a way as fate. I thought it didn’t go well because god didn’t think it was meant for you. That was the time when I believed in god. So I gave up easily and was not persistent in pursuing my ambitions.
Today I accept the bad results not as fate but witnessing them and learning from them to make a different approach to pursue my goal.
The young Japanese lady was a pianist and although her ambition was no longer to become a pianist herself she wanted to continue being associated with music. That is probably why she wanted to stay in New York so much. She still had a great passion for piano.
I understand her feelings well as I myself wanted to become an artist in my young days and even went to an Art School. However I did not want to pursue my career as an artist as I couldn’t bear the thought of being at home 365 days of the year immersed in my own world.
However, I still loved art and wanted to be associated with it and thus became art dealer which was more than thirty years ago. Being on your own in this business has not been easy but because I felt so strongly that this was what I wanted to do in life, I have been able to keep up my business to this day.